


Heaven

by hxyitskyx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 1st POV, Alcohol Abuse, Angst, Eating Disorder, M/M, REALLY FUCKIN VAGUE, Thoughts of Suicide, Toxic Relationship, bokuto is in college here i guess??, but you can view it as whatever u want, idk how to tag, little violence, romanticizing depression, selfharm, trigger warning;;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 17:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxyitskyx/pseuds/hxyitskyx
Summary: 11:12pm, a digital clock glows red as I roll over in bed. I missed 11:11 but ill still wishing for you.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Akaashi Keiji
Kudos: 29





	Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning!!!///
> 
> please read the tags i dont want to trigger anyone w this :((. this is written in bokuto’s pov 
> 
> this was a project in creative writing class and i decided to make it bokuaka fic after 2 years :))

8:05pm, Kuroo should be coming home soon, but in my intoxicated state of mind, I didn’t know. I was busy screaming at the moon with words could never say to him. Hell, I didn’t even care if my neighbors could hear me. I just wanted to let these unspoken words out. I took a long drink out of my bottle.  
“Why did you leave me?! Was I not enough?! Did you even love me?!” I screamed as I fell to the living room floor. In my wasted mind I started wailing for him, looking at the stars shine mockingly at me, and in frustration I started destroying everything around me. For a moment I thought he was looking at me.

9:15pm, Kuroo came home. He saw me lying on the floor, a complete mess, crying my heart out. He quickly rushed to my side, gently pulling the bottle out of my hand.  
‘Why did you keep doing this to yourself?” He muttered to himself, shaking his head.  
“I just wanted to forget him” I whispered softly, another round of tears gathering up in my eyes. As I lay, I thought that drinking would help me forget you but here I am drunk out of my mind, thoughts full of you.

10:02pm, I watch, dazed, as Kuroo finishes cleaning the mess I made in the apartment. I mutter a sorry as loud as I could. He sighs, kneels down and looks into my red swollen eyes.  
“I don’t think he’s not coming back”, “Pull yourself together”, and “Acting like this won’t help you” were the only words I managed to catch as Kuroo carried me to my room before he left for bed.  
I was a mess. I have always been a mess, even before I met him. I overworked myself in practice until i can barely move. I practice my ”HEY HEY HEY’s” and grins every morning while i get ready for school. I’d hide my wounds behind my kneepads no matter how fresh it was. Eat too much then throw it all up. I wanted to kill myself with bad habits, somehow I was still stable but still a mess.  
When I first saw him I thought he was heaven. I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew I wanted to die and since he was a mess like me(though you could never tell with facial expressions like his), he could bring me down further. But I also knew that I wanted to be happy, maybe we could fix each other. So I decided to play with fire, I was selfish. I just wanted heaven and he was the closest I can ever get to it.  
Months passed and I was happy, but we were toxic. Screams echoing of the walls with whispers of crying. Nights where we lay on the grass gazing at the stars. Days where he’s comforting or yelling at me for who I am.  
This was what I wanted, my heaven. But my heaven was not his. Somehow I was too much for someone like him to handle and all I felt was his fingers slip out of my mine and I was left alone. I didn’t realize that loving someone too much could break you more than you already were, even if I asked for it.

11:12pm, a digital clock glows red as I roll over in bed. I missed 11:11 but ill still wishing for you. I don't want heaven anymore if i lost a piece of who i am.

**Author's Note:**

> comment??? 👉🏼👈🏼


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